An Open Letter from Satan to the Cameron Crazies

15 Mar 2010, Posted by Hon Lung Chu in Backpages, 0 Comments

We were going through our letters from over Spring Break today, and came upon an interesting item from the Lord of the Underworld himself. See below for the envelope and the letter.

—–

(On the envelope)

From:

Satan

666 Brimstone Blvd.

Fiery Depths of Hell

To:

Chronicle “Letters to the editor” department

—–
An Open Letter from Satan to the Cameron Crazies

To: The Cameron Crazies

From: Satan

Re: Stop Chanting Please

Dear Esteemed Devils,

I greet you in the name of myself. While you may be surprised to receive a missive directly from the Lord of the Underworld, I want to assure you that I mean you no harm. People get really skittish around me sometimes. I mean, if I were coming to claim your soul, do you think I would send a memo by way of a third rate rag like your campus newspaper?

Anyway: I was down in my man-cave recently, and I flipped on ESPN to see a sea of blue-painted students chanting “Let’s Go Devils!” This pleased me immensely, and I soon found myself chanting right along with you. (I don’t know what happens when you chant those words, but when I do it the very depths of Hell heave with the agonized cries of suffering souls.) However, there is another of your favored chants that I simply cannot join. That’s why I’m writing to you.

Please, for the sake of my sanity, stop yelling, “Go to Hell, Carolina, Go to Hell!” I cannot emphasize this point strongly enough. I know it’s just an idle turn of phrase for you, gleefully deployed in the spirit of a rivalry. I understand that many of you think of Hell as some silly superstition. But in my capacity as the sovereign of Hell and chief arbiter of eternal damnation, I must do everything within my power to ensure that the UNC Men’s Basketball team does not spend eternity down here. The truth is, it would just be too much punishment for my fellow residents.

It is not widely known, but the Tar Heels have actually been down here before. In the summer of 2008, a delegation of players and coaches traveled from Chapel Hill to the gates of Hell in order to negotiate the terms of their 2009 national championship. It took us over two weeks to come to an agreement about what I’d get in exchange for a Final Four victory. Now, I can’t divulge the specifics of that deal. But I can tell you this: those guys are insufferable. All day long, they whine. They’re hungry, they’re too hot, they can’t get a cell signal. I had to come up to your side of eternity every afternoon just to get some peace and quiet.

The worst was when we let them play in our summer basketball league. First of all, kudos on another appropriate cheer: as it turns out, Tyler does travel every time. However, Mr. Hansbrough also managed to win the hearts of our referees, even though their souls are my eternal property. (How he managed that, I’ll never know.) The bottom line is, after two weeks of playing in our league, they somehow managed to make Hell less enjoyable for everyone else than it already is.

The 2010 Tar Heels, as you know, are quite a different matter altogether. It’s my opinion that if they arrived in Hell, they’d bring down the caliber of play in our league too much. They are clearly more suited for the NIT. So perhaps your future chants could direct Carolina to that destination rather than to Hell.

Although it seems to go against the spirit of the place, the bottom line is this: I am concerned that the Tar Heels will make Hell too unbearable of a place to live, even for me. As Kaysar Soze once said, the greatest trick I ever pulled was convincing the world I didn’t exist. And I’ll tell you this right now: if Roy Williams shows up down here again, I’m turning off the lights and hiding behind the sofa until he’s convinced that nobody is home.

I appreciate your consideration of this matter.

Sincerely,

The Lord of the Underworld

P.S. – Good luck in the tournament. Want to make any deals?

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Yes we can

20 Oct 2009, Posted by Gloria Ahn in Backpages, 1 Comments

Do you remember this? This time last year, our fists were pumping and our hearts were jumping. Granted not everyone reading this post was at that time supporting President Barack Obama, but you have to agree that there was an unreal tangible electric buzz so delectable and indelible.

That was a year ago.

This year our President was given the Nobel Peace prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.” And it was met with unquieting dissonance and grumbling.

“Why?”

“What did he do to deserve this?”

Is this the same man who called all of us to unite for CHANGE just a year ago?

Weren’t we all moved to EMOTION by his eloquence and fervor?

Trust me, I was among the first to ask whether President Obama was the most deserving person for this prestigious award, but then I remembered.

When I was in Uganda this summer, everyone was ecstatic about President Obama. Instead of wearing Tupac tshirts or some other pseduo-inspirational “role model”, the youth were wearing President Obama tshirts.  All over the world, starting in our own country, children will grow up believing that they can do anything they put their minds to.  Grandparents who lived through the turbulent ’60s with the Civil Rights Movement have grandchildren who will grow up with the President Obama being the President they live under .

Obama made history. Not just because he was the first African American voted (by you and me) to the President of the United States. Not just because he is leading our country in one of most hardpressed and difficult times we have ever faced as a human race. Not just because he wants to replace the White House bowling alley with a basketball court.  He made history by energizing millions, billions to believe in our potential – to believe that the value of a country, of our world is the sum of the worth of each and every one of us.

Remember, he inspired us, moved us with poignant words to truly believe that we can be enactors of change. That change isn’t just a noun or by chance. It is a very possible verb.

As we fall back into the humdrum rhythm and beat of mundane school life, I hope that we will keep some kind of radiant fire burning inside of our passions and drives.  I hope that a paper degree isn’t the pinnacle of our Duke career – or scratch that a high paying job the all-in end-goal.  I hope that we (that includes me) will stop telling ourselves – if only we had x, y, z, we will be happy. If I can just make it through this semester. If I can just get into ________ law school/medical school/bank/consulting firm/etc, my life will be complete. I hope that our insight outweighs the magnitude of our hindsight.

President Obama’s promises of change don’t come in 10 months. Even though we don’t see the tangibles and results, I can attest that I am convinced wholeheartedly that President Obama truly does believe that “yes, we can.”

Don’t forget what you promised yourself. Don’t forget your purpose. Don’t forget why you came to this campus – what you came to see, learn, and do.

Don’t let there be an inkling of doubt when you do receive your degree.

Let there not be a “why”  or “how” in sight.

Congratulations, President Obama for inspiring us.

You deserve it.

Reality check

14 Oct 2009, Posted by Bud Baker in Backpages, Bud Baker, 2 Comments

Contrary to popular belief, President Obama is not the Second Coming.  He has not walked on water, turned water into wine or fed thousands of people with two loaves of bread and some fish.  Although he possesses Ninja fly swatting skills, he is not a magician that will sprinkle fairy dust on the world’s problems and make everything better.  He is also not, as many believe, the Antichrist.  He is not an unpatriotic, communist, Christian hating foreigner.  He does not kill babies.  He is not a racist.  He has no plans to turn this country into Soviet Russia.

Obama is a man trying to do his job.  A job that he’s had for only nine months.  In those nine months he has made considerable progress toward solving our nation’s many problems.  The Obama administration has passed substantial legislation on the economy, revamped U.S. strategy in Iraq and Afghanistan, is committed to health care reform and has dramatically improved our reputation abroad.  Obama has also made some mistakes.  Calling the Cambridge police stupid was unprofessional, Cash for Clunkers looked good on paper and in retrospect that trip to Switzerland to coddle the Olympics committee was rather foolish.  Now as the leader of the free world, Obama deserves praise for his accomplishments and criticism for his mistakes.  Part of being president is being held accountable for everything you do.  It’s how our democracy works.  But the hyperbolic praise from the left and the outright false and malicious accusations from the right are getting out of control.

On the right, people have just lost their minds.  There is no longer any intelligent debate.  Instead, conservatives have resorted to making incredulous, even comical allegations and some of their tactics have just been bizarre. You have Rep. Joe Wilson screaming accusations during a presidential address, another representative calling Obama the killer of babies and the enemy of humanity, people getting crazy and violent at town hall meetings, refusals to accept that Obama is an American citizen and an unwavering belief that Obama is a communist.  Now you expect most of this stuff from nonsensical blowhards like Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter, but this is coming from Republican leaders and members of Congress.  The sad part is that there are some credible arguments that conservatives have made against the Obama administration.  But their points get lost in all this vitriolic foolishness.

On the left, Obama is to politics as Tim Tebow is to irrational Gator fans.  The man is a god.  He can do no wrong.  In fact even when he does nothing, he is given heaps of praise and adoration.  The latest example was Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize last Friday.  Even he was surprised, and admitted that he probably did not deserve it.  Don’t get me wrong, our President has some tremendous accomplishments.  A distinguished legal and political career.  The first black U.S. president.  A commitment to international diplomacy and disarmament.  But the last time I checked, the U.S. is still fighting two wars, Iran and North Korea are belligerent as ever and Israel and Palestine still do not like each other.  Sure, Obama’s made some nice speeches around the world, but unless he secretly saved some unknown Third World country, I’m a little befuddled.  Also, the deadline for Obama’s Nobel Peace nomination was a mere 12 days after he was inaugurated.  He basically won because he is not George Bush.  The Republicans pointed this out, and I agreed with them for once.  How did the Democrats respond?  By calling the Republicans terrorists and comparing them to the Taliban.  The level of maturity and professionalism in our nation’s capitol never ceases to amaze me.

Obama is a smart guy.  He’s working with some smart people.  The administration has put some good plans in action.  The problems the Obama administration face will not be solved in a few days or months.  Some won’t be solved until years after his administration.  Let’s judge him for his actions in the present and not jump to so many ridiculous conclusions and accusations.  It’s time for a reality check.  Obama is not a god and he is certainly not a demon.  He is our President.  Let the man work.

(photo courtesy of Chad Davis via Creative Commons)

When history calls

14 Oct 2009, Posted by Braden Hendricks in Backpages, Braden Hendricks, 0 Comments

” When history calls, history calls.”

That’s what Senator Olympia Snowe, a Republican from Maine, said on explaining her decision to support Obama’s health plan in the Senate Finance Committee. With that affirmative vote, Snowe became the first Republican to support the bill in any concrete form, but now there is speculation that even though there is now some bipartisanship attached to the bill, Snowe’s support may only trigger more infighting among the Democrats–specifically between the moderates such as Max Baucus and liberals such as Jay Rockefeller of West Virginia, both of whom are also on the Senate Finance Committee.

I would call myself a thorough Democrat, and a left-leaning one at that, so it’s disappointing to hear that now when the Dems enjoy a solid enough majority to really get some stuff done, they’re too busy with factional struggles to capitalize.

But then I realize what should have been already obvious: not only is this inevitable, the debate is one of the reasons why the system is a good one. More specifically, the fact that there is a debate, both between the parties and within the Democratic party. If there was no debate, well then, we wouldn’t be living in a democracy.

Still, I wish the whole process wasn’t so damn slow. Bureaucracies suck that way, but the alternative would be what–a dictatorship? Ok, so debate and deliberation is good.

Now, that said, is anything actually going to change? Healthcare needs to be reformed, but when is it going to happen? History is calling, but will America in time?

Where the hell is Matt?

05 Oct 2009, Posted by Gloria Ahn in Backpages, 0 Comments

What is that glowing feeling you’re feeling right now? Why am I so inspired by this video?

As I’m watching this for the fifth time, I recognize what my eyes are drawn to, what I connect with and smile over. I see the colors and beauty in the vibrant red tulips of the Netherlands, the immensity of the sand and sky in Australia, the juxtaposition of dancing in demilitarized North Korea, and the euphonious splendor of people laughing and vocally dancing in their own respective languages.

Did you see the overly enthusiastic gesticulating child from Fiji? Did you see the prancing dog in Kuwait? Did you see the smiling wheel-chaired man from Los Angeles?

I feel our innate and universal desire to be joyful, to be lighthearted, and to connect and dance with others. I discussed with a friend this week about how I feel cared for and loved by my brothers and sisters on this campus. It was kind of a strange concept for him. Granted it is kind of strange. Sometimes we don’t even feel loved by our own families. But this video is proof that such things exist. It is proof that we appreciate such things. And how momentous and awesome that is!

It’s not like their dance moves are revolutionary– it’s not like I know any of them and are compelled by some earthly tie to smile with them. So then what is this connection that I feel?

There is an incomprehensible and unspeakable connection that we feel with the people in this video. The strongest conclusion I come to? I think for most, this overwhelming feeling of unity and fuzziness (best word I could think of) is something we wish we could feel more often.

I can validly say that this video made us feel good because a.) we are a global community. We are human beings before we are peoples b.) the people dancing opened up to us they had no pretenses about their ability to dance well and c.) this is the reality and world we want to live in. But, it is too tempting to switch into clichés and truisms. This is a global thing to say – but it has to true, individual relevance to you and me.

So here’s what I say – to both you and me. Drop the pretense. Drop the “I’m too cool” act. Drop the “My life is perfect or at least is going to be perfect” soon act. Drop the “I need to better than you, seem more successful than you, wear better clothes, and seem happier and more satisfied than you” act. Aren’t we tired of being surrounded by people who don’t care about us? Who like drinking with us, eating with us, laughing at/with us, but aren’t comfortable with us? Who aren’t comfortable and sincere enough to ask about your day and really mean it – who aren’t willing to go beyond the facebook message/comment to talk to us or find out about our days vis a vis NOT twitter.

Because I’m not sure if I’m okay with the trajectory in which my identity is being defined.

The Bangla song sung in this video is called Praan and it was sung by a 17-year-old women.

And the lyrics (translated of course) are poetry.
The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and dayruns through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birthand of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.

And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

Duke student, ambitious life-achiever, nostalgic mid-lifer, straddling but not crossing-er, underachieving but desiring of purpose-er, whomever you are– understand this: The life-throb of ages is dancing if your blood.

We are not who we seem to be. We might not even be the person we want to become. But the life-throb of ages is dancing in your blood.

Experience for yourself what heart to hearts mean. Challenge yourself to feel what skin to skin abrasive is. Unveil yourself to see what dancing uninhibited blossoms. Smile fully aware that you’re revealing a hidden part of yourself. Search for a life untainted of adulterated substances–pure, effervescent, and serendipitous of peace and freedom.
Dust going to dust and ashes going to ashes though–I don’t want to end this by pushing on you high language pedagogy or lofty truisms. The beauty of our world cannot be explained by words. Simply put, can we explain why we enjoy cool breezes on a summer day? Can we explain why fresh grapes taste SO delectably good? Can we explain why some music brings us tears and awe? Just as so, there just might not be enough words to express the majesty of the connections we have with this world.

So indulge yourself one more time, watch this video again and then go out and with all eyes and ears and fingers open, embrace the world again.