Most everything “Junior” (especially “year”) stinks

16 Apr 2009, Posted by Jacob Wolff in Backpages, Jacob Wolff, 6 Comments

(jacob wolff) Well folks, this is my last blog entry for the year. As all four of you who have been reading my posts this semester would almost assuredly agree, chances are the powers that be won’t be renewing my contract for next year. I like to attribute it more to that fact that I’m too edgy and controversial, rather than acknowledging I’m probably just too dang weird to be writing for the newspaper. So for what may be my ‘series finale’ if you will, I decided to reflect upon what has, for all intents and purposes, been a pretty difficult year.

Recently, during a fit of homework-induced stress, I realized just how much junior year of college really does suck. Now I don’t want to seem like a Debbie Downer; junior year has had its fun moments, but it really has been a tough year. After complaining about junior year of college, it dawned upon me that junior year of high school was just as bad. After that realization, I though about Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. After that, I had an epiphany: I could live without pretty much everything “Junior” related:

Junior year of college: My current nemesis. Junior year, or more specifically, second semester junior year, is terrible. Combine a normal course-load (or even an over-load if you actually believed your advisor when he/she said: “Don’t worry, you can experiment with different classes your first few semesters, it won’t set you back”) with the craziness that is the internship hunt, add in the search for housing next year, tack on a few extracurriculars and you’ve got yourself a fun ol’ semester! Oh yeah, and did I mention studying for the MCATs, LSATs or whatever random four lettered test that will determine your future? The worst part, they’re all really important. You need good grades, good LSAT scores, a good internship, a place to live and a nice bowl of tomato soup (one needs sustenance to survive) if you hope to graduate with a job! You really can’t put anything on the back burner either. Though, if you must put one there, I would probably suggest the soup, as it will keep it warm.

Junior year of high school: I don’t mean to dredge up bad memories, but I think everyone sees the parallel to the Junior year of college experience. AP classes, applying to colleges, SATs, worrying about cooties; it’s the Junior version of our junior year at Duke.

Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers: I’m a vegetarian, and even I know Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers are lame. Sure, they’re cheap, but hardly filling (I wasn’t a veg until college, so lay off, Wendy’s was tasty). If you’re going to go omnivore, go for the full sized burger. You know what they say about people who order junior sized cheeseburgers? They use fewer condiments like ketchup. And if you don’t overuse condiments like ever other American (myself included), then that must mean you hate the USA. If you hate the USA, then you must hate freedom… DO YOU WANT TO HATE FREEDOM!?!

Freddie Prinze Jr.: Do I really need to say anything about this one?

Cuba Gooding Jr.: Jerry Maguire= Good. Daddy Day Care= Even better!! Kidding, it was terrible.

The Movie “Junior”: Few have heard of this film, and it’s better that way. Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger star as gynecologists who have come up with a way of impregnating males. Laughs (are supposed to) ensue when Arnold becomes the test subject and carries a baby (not in his arms, his tummy of course!). If you (a) want to further question humanity’s intelligence (in that a state actually elected this man governor), (b) think Danny DeVito, in some odd way, is kind of adorable or (c) still giggle at the word “gynecologist,” watch this flick.

Clearly, not all juniors are bad. Martin Luther King Jr. of course. I think I remember liking a song by Junior Senior at one point. Junior-sized Halloween costumes worn by college kids at tailgate are always sure to elicit a chuckle or two. Junior Mints are tasty too. So the word “Junior” is by no means a lost cause. But until junior year passes, it’s a cuss word in my book.

Duke: The movie

15 Apr 2009, Posted by Jeff Ditzler in Backpages, Jeff Ditzler, 0 Comments

This may be a bit surprising, given who the only president to have been a movie star was, but Hollywood and conservatives just don’t get along, with liberal themes dominating films from Milk to Good Night and Good Luck. Seeking to rectify the imbalance, AOL News columnist Matt Lewis has offered three right-leaning movie ideas. The most entertaining by far is “Witness”, which involves a writer during the early Cold War who catches a Communist spy with the aid of papers hidden in a pumpkin. N0, really, that actually happened. You’d think nothing here at dear old Duke could compete with that, but Lewis’s third idea is everyone’s favorite event from recent Blue Devil history:

The Duke Lacrosse scandal was sobering [sic] look at the politics of race, gender, and class in the 21st Century…it still has blockbuster potential.

Lewis even suggests Kelsey Grammar for the role of Mike Nifong and, somewhat optimistically, predicts he’d win an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. Why stop there, though? With the right movies, the 2014 Academy Awards could be a Duke sweep.

Best Foreign Film: Vzdycky, tam Scola (“Always, There Was Scola”)—In the tradition of Kafka, this Czech entry explores the ruined idealism and increasing existential madness of young television anchors who realize their fate is to appear on Duke Cable at 11 a.m. on Saturdays for students who (a) are nursing hangovers or (b) have forgotten to pay their cable bill.

Best Documentary Feature: K: The Movie, a dramatic reading of highlights from Coach K’s books, earned high marks despite some complaints that it was repetitive (“Enough with the fist already”—Roger Ebert’s cryogenically preserved head). Reviewers were especially impressed with Dick Vitale’s cameo and Coach K’s scowl in the IMAX version.

Best Visual Effects: typotopia wins the award for its lavish depiction of a futuristic world in which all capital letters have been abolished. The film marks miriam cooke’s directing debut.

Best Original Song: The Academy made a historic exception in this category. The Pledge Week Movie took home the honor, even though the song involved wasn’t original. Explained one Oscar voter, “Getting 500 sorority girls to sing ‘Don’t Stop Believin’” in unison would’ve been very impressive even if they weren’t plastered.”

Best Actress: Halle Berry picks up her second Oscar in this category for her portrayal of Oprah Winfrey in Commence This, a drama about the Duke Graduation Hostage Crisis of 2009, when Oprah, a key ally of then-President Barack Obama, was kidnapped by former GM executive Rick Wagoner, still upset over Obama dismissing him from General Motors, and a few other rogue trustees. The scene in which Oprah saves Dr. Phil (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and the Navy SEAL team sent to rescue her is perhaps the most compelling of the year.

Best Actor: Carrot Top crowns a surprisingly successful venture into serious acting with an award for his title role in Munger, the epic story of the Duke professor who won a shocking upset in the 2010 U.S. Senate election after incumbent Sen. Richard Burr fell out of the Cape Hatteras lighthouse during a photo op. Highlights of Mr. Top’s performance include his portrayal of Sen. Munger’s filibuster of the asparagus tongs industry bailout and the deal, brokered by Munger during the 2012 presidential campaign, that catapulted Vin Diesel into the White House.

(Columnist’s note: This is my final post on the Backpages. If you want to read more of my semi-insightful opinions, you need a life and probably also psychiatric intervention. Until you get those, you can read my blog at thebigditz.blogspot.com, which I may get around to updating after LDOC when I actually have time to do so.)

A tale of two cities

14 Apr 2009, Posted by Braden Hendricks in Backpages, Braden Hendricks, 0 Comments

(braden hendricks) I don’t know if it was obvious to my many faithful readers, but this past semester I have been studying in Los Angeles as part of the Duke in LA program. Since Duke doesn’t have a film major, and production classes are somewhat limited, I decided to take the opportunity to come out here and study film at University of Southern California and intern at a Hollywood production company.

It’s been a great time and I’ve seen a lot of very cool things, but I noticed that there are some ways in which Durham and Los Angeles are quite similar—particular the part of the city that USC’s campus is located in—South Central Los Angeles. For anyone not familiar with all the different subsections of the greater metropolis of LA—Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Westwood, Brentwood, Inglewood, Compton, etc.—South Central is a rough neighborhood. Here’s a map, for greater clarification. It’s the part of LA that’s rapped about by real “g’s” like Dr. Dre and Tupac. It’s the ugly side of a city not especially known for its beauty in any case or circumstance—a district harder hit by the economic times than most. With these leaner times crime is up, and every so often USC’s administrators send out e-mails informing the student body of another kid held up at gun point, or stabbed, or whatever.

As I settled into my new home out here, the pattern of emails about muggings and such felt awfully familiar. Los Angeles is the second largest city in the nation, so crime there is to be expected, but why does Durham have the crime it does? What happened to the shining southern city it used to be? It was a city of prosperity and a trailblazer in the cultural and economic advancement of African Americans. Why the downturn? Were economic reasons to blame?

I’m sure it was a variety of factors, but the result is clear: a once vibrant community that only in the last decade or so is starting to heal and regain its former stature. Culture in Durham will probably never have the impact that Los Angeles culture has in the greater United States, but I believe that Duke University must continue to play a large role in Durham’s recovery. See, we Dukies talk about the insular Duke bubble often as a barrier between campus and the town, but Duke has nothing on USC. USC is truly a separate world that makes very little real effort to interact with it’s community. The result is growing gap between students and residents.

Duke has a chance to be different, and I hope we continue to act on through projects like DukeEngage in Durham and others so that someday Durham doesn’t feel like South Central Los Angeles.