Why I have never tented and never will…

11 Feb 2009, Posted by Jacob Wolff in Backpages, Jacob Wolff, 7 Comments

I have no desire whatsoever to tent. I didn’t tent my freshman or sophomore year, and I’m not tenting this year either. I was actually offered a spot in Tent 2 at the beginning of this semester, but I turned it down. I know, you may think I’m crazy, but I have my reasons.

For those two people reading this who don’t know about tenting (my grandma and that kid I always see in the basement of Perkins, you know who you are), people sleep in tents for  2 to 3 months waiting in line to get into the Duke v. UNC men’s basketball game here at Cameron Indoor Stadium. Eight people (out of twelve in each group) need to sleep out there each night, and one person needs to be there at all times during the day (during blue tenting). The following is why I have never/ will never tent:

1) I think it’s crazy: Frankly, sleeping outside in a tent for 3 months during the freezing winter is not my idea of a fun time.

2) The loss factor: Call me Debbie Downer (my friends call me Debs though), but I can think of nothing more terrible than sleeping outside for 3 months only to have Duke lose the game. As much as I think the “experience” would be worth it, a loss would just be too heartbreaking. On the Disappointment Scale, I would put it somewhere between finding out Santa isn’t real and seeing Ashlee Simpson lip sync on SNL (as a huge A-Simp fan, I’ve never been the same since that day).

3) Brian Zoubek’s love of stuffed animals: This one is connected to the “loss factor.” How does Brian Zoubek liking stuffed animals relate to me not tenting? Simple: Zoubek has been trying to build up his frequent flier miles to get this really cute American Airlines teddy bear. Unfortunately, nobody told him that traveling on the court didn’t count towards his miles (I know, terrrrrrrible basketball pun). In his defense, he was looking better earlier this year. But until we work the post better, Duke is the underdog in this one. Also in Zoubek’s defense, it’s a really adorable teddy bear.

4) I’ve already been to a Duke v. UNC game: Now, people can argue this point with me, but I won’t give in. Last year, I waited 2.5 hours in the walk up line and managed to be one of the last people into the UNC game. I was at the very end of the non-student side crammed in like a sardine, and it most uncomfortable I’ve felt since my brother convinced me I looked great in tighty whities, but at least I was there. Now I know I didn’t get the “experience” part. But the fact is, tenters and I do share the following in common: the ability to say, “I’ve been to a Duke v. UNC game.” However, we do not share any of the following in common: amount of time spent living in a freezing tent, amount of time spent comfortably sleeping in our own beds and amount of salami eaten in our lives.

5) I like sofas a lot: At the ripe age of 21, I’m getting too old for the Cameron shenanigans. My bones are achin’ and my soul is weary, and frankly, all that jumping is just too much for me. I’m what you may call a homebody (read: enjoys sitting on butt watching game on TV). Oh to be a freshman again… to be so young, so full of energy, and to not have to take Metamucil for fiber to keep me “regular.”

Don’t get me wrong. I think tenting is great for Duke Basketball and I really do give people who tent a lot of credit. It takes dedication aand I’m sure it’s something a lot of you enjoy. The thing is, it’s just not for me…

Children are overrated

10 Feb 2009, Posted by Braden Hendricks in Backpages, Braden Hendricks, 0 Comments

Well, OK, not really, but this whole thing with the octuplets needs to blow over, and quickly. I mean, medical miracles aside, why should I care? In fact, I don’t know which is worse: the fact that everyone is making such a big deal of eight children being born together, or that the media is making a fuss over how public opinion has shifted from favoring this clearly insane “super mom” to deriding her because she happened to have six children previously (all under seven years of age).

Heck, it’s none of my business is it? If  Nadya Suleman wants to go having enough children to populate a small nation, then that’s her deal. I can’t even begin to comprehend her actions, since by every account I’ve ever heard, the actual process of giving birth is not in the least bit enjoyable, but if some lady wants to do it 14 times in seven years, then be my guest.

The world was awed briefly by all this, but then it was revealed that the single mother may not necessarily be up to the task of raising 14 kids. Doctors and psychologists say now that with this many children, many serious things are sure to arise, ranging from developmental and learning disabilities to huge costs incurred for medical bills and schooling. To me, while these issues merit some concern, it does seem a shame to throw all of this negativity towards Suleman. After all, children are miracles, or so I’ve heard. As these kids are growing up, they’ll likely be exposed to undue amounts of attention and speculation from these people who keep rambling on about the subject, thereby potentiall harming the little tykes even further.

In all honesty, we should be thankful for this event in that it has brought to life part of one of America’s favorite shows: the Nahasapeemapetilon family from The Simpsons (Suleman joins real life Homer Simpson Jim Belushi in that regard). Personally, I’m all for cartoons coming to life.

You know, now that I think about it, there are a lot of things that can be done with eight kids. For example, if you had eight children you could train them to be commandos and then take over Canada (that’s all it would take to defeat their military), or maybe just start a musical supergroup that would surpass even the Jackson 5. These kids could be The 8 Suleman Sultans, or something. It would be great, I swear.

A proposition

09 Feb 2009, Posted by John Schneider in Backpages, Backtalk, 0 Comments

People (I assume) are always wondering “How can we make Duke marginally better?” To them I say simply, “Fix parking.” They might respond by saying “But, John, parking here is such an ill-conceived atrocious mess, that short of well-meaning carpool initiatives or a complete redesign of the campus, how can we even begin to fix it?” And they have a point. But I know where to begin.

You see, I got a ticket today for having an “Improper Zone/Permit.” Now before you start to question whether or not my zone was proper, I will say that I parked in a spot surrounded by empty spaces, in a lot a I’ve parked in about 15 times already this semester, in the same spot I’ve parked in before this year. My parking permit may not have technically applied, but I figured, after a while, that nobody minded, since nobody said anything. But today I got a ticket.

Right now you are probably wondering, “But, John, if you have a parking permit, then why did you park in a zone outside of its applicability?” Well, I live off-campus. According to the Duke parking Web site, I should buy a Blue Zone Pass so I can commute to West. Generally this has worked out well—if by well, you mean that I have to leave my apartment half an hour before class, drive to the back of the Blue Zone, spend 5 minutes looking for a spot, then walk 10 minutes from wherever in the outskirts of Durham I’ve managed to park across West Campus to the academic quad. Can’t complain.

But this semester, I have class three times a week on East Campus. I suppose Duke wants me drive to West, walk to the bus stop and take a 10 minute bus ride to class, but since I remembered from freshman year that there are often unoccupied parking spaces in the lot off Buchanon, next to Epworth, I figured there would be no harm in parking on East. And there wasn’t, until today (although I don’t know if any harm was done at all, since it wasn’t like the lot was packed to the brim). Maybe Duke wants off-campus students like me to buy TWO parking passes, but the solution is much simpler:    

Add another, off-campus parking permit. Relegate its users to the underutilized spots in the back of the Blue Zone (which is all that’s ever available anyway) and in similar lots on East. Allow them the same liberties that Blue Zone passes have after 5 p.m.and on weekends, but keep them out of certain lots in the Blue Zone. It will decrease congestion in the Blue Zone and will allow off-campus students to have the flexibility they need. You can charge the same price (since Duke parking costs are completely untouched by supply-and-demand) and make everyone happier. It’s really quite simple. It’s embarrassing that this hasn’t already been done.

Why I wish I were a divorce lawyer in New York

06 Feb 2009, Posted by Ade Sawyer in Ade Sawyer, Backpages, 0 Comments

Because they are about to be filthy rich!

For New York divorce lawyers this recession is about to be a gold mine.  Between the stressed out/newly unemployed bankers and their grossly overprivileged wives/girlfriends/mistresses, it doesn’t feel so good to be a banker.  Sparks are flying and they’ll keep flying, and at the end of the day the divorce lawyers will be the only ones who don’t get burned.

How do I know all this?  Well, last week I (and tons of other New York Times readers) learned about DABA.  Dating A Banker Anonymous is an online blog and support group for the poor women whose love lives have been forever changed by the financial crisis.  In it they share stories of woe and loss anonymously—”free from the scrutiny of feminists.”  In all fairness many of them are 20-something women whose boyfriends (not husbands) are bankers, but the Times article does note that “[divorce] cases involving financiers always stack up as the economy starts to slip.”  And those guys can afford to pay.  Just ask their wives/girlfriends/mistresses—and any econ major.

I have to admit that when I’ve read the blog, it’s been with a bit of schadenfreude as a pretty average American (economically).  And of course there’s a twinge of envy because of all the money the FBFs (Finance Boyfriends) can throw around.  Generally the complaints have been restricted to bankers who’ve been laid off, but soon it might get even harder for the few who still have jobs on Wall Street.

On Wednesday President Barack Obama announced executive pay limits for banks that accept TARP (Troubled Assets Relief Program—i.e. bailout) Funds.  Any future banks seeking bailout funds will only be able to provide their executives with a max of $500,000 in compensation yearly.  According to the Times it doesn’t necessarily apply to lower-level executives, but I doubt the big guys will be eager to pay their subordinates more than they pay themselves.  And Wall Street salaries are headed down regardless.  This is going to be bad for the FGFs out there.  As one put it, they “ain’t messin’ with no broke banker.”

But it’ll be good for the divorce lawyers.  I guess it’s time to become DLGFs…

Real talk

05 Feb 2009, Posted by Jordan Rice in Backpages, 0 Comments

Despite sub-freezing temperatures this week, Duke students decked out in conservative business attire had to make use of their padded resumes to mop up the sweat on their brows. Job and internship interview season is upon us, and aspiring future executives are as nervous as a hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic after reading that word.

The current economic climate makes for an uncertain future for college students—especially those pursuing a career in the financial industry. Many students are fleeing to comparatively safer waters to weather the storm; Teach for America and graduate schools, for instance, have seen an enormous increase in applications this year.

The truly brave, however, have chosen to take the economic crisis head on by submitting to the humiliations of the interview process. I say good luck to you on your quest to Wall Street. Allow me to offer two pieces of advice to you:

1. Don’t forget your lip balm.
2. Don’t lose your soul along the way; give those interviewers that real talk.

You are trained to suppress yourself in an interview, encouraged to censor what you wear, what you say and how you move. Subdued colors, ample use of buzzwords and overly firm handshakes may seem like a safe route to take, but how can you distinguish yourself if you give the usual pre-packaged answer?

When they ask you what your greatest weakness is, are you going to give the standard weakness that really is a strength answer? You are not too motivated. And what does too focused even mean? Just go with the truth. Real talk. If you are deathly afraid of snakes, tell them so. If your calf muscles are not strong enough, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you are too pretty to the point that you just can’t sleep at night, let ‘em know.

For all questions related to team work, don’t just give the “there is no ‘I’ in ‘team’ answer. Think about it this way. If you owned an NBA team, would you want the selfless “pass-first” player, or a Michael Jordan-style scorer? Team??? What team? I AM the team!

If you cannot walk away from an interview with a job, at least you leave with your with your dignity. You can use your free summer to write a blog for The Chronicle and make fun of corporate sell-outs from the comfort of your own home. They may have job security, but at least you have your soul.