GOP rising star alienates biggest supporters (volcano watchers)

04 Mar 2009, Posted by Jacob Wolff in Backpages, Jacob Wolff, 2 Comments

Ever since the blog world grew tired of talking about the famous press conference where a man threw his shoes at former President George Bush (you have to admit, it’s still hilarious) the liberal blogosphere has been longing for something humorous to talk about.

Well, on the morning of Feb. 24 apparently Republican Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal woke up and said to himself: “America needs some laughter, and I’m just the man for the job!”  Jindal, widely considered a ‘rising star’ in the Republican party, was chosen to give the Republican response to President Barack Obama’s recent speech to Congress.   As a young, up and coming Republican, many were looking forward to Jindal’s speech, perhaps hoping it would have a similar effect as  Obama’s 2004 keynote address to the DNC had for the current president’s national popularity.

They say any publicity is good publicity, but don’t say that to Jindal’s face.  Frankly, there are way too many hilarious things about the speech to bring up.  But let me take you on a YouTube tour of the highlights:

1. MSNBC’s Chris Matthews can audibly be heard saying “Oh God” as Jindal mysteriously enters the room from around a corner:

Is Matthews Nostradamus reincarnated? Could he foresee the hilarity that was to come? Probably not. Matthews should be saluted for keeping his reaction as muted as he did, as I literally giggled uncontrollably at Jindal’s tackiness and cutesie grin

2. Jindal offends volcano monitors:

Jindal talks about how the stimulus package included “$140 million for something called ‘volcano monitoring’. Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, DC.”   This comment has scientists fuming (nice play on words, CNN).    As one volcano researcher at the U.S Geological Survey, Marianne Guffanti put it: “We don’t throw the money down the crater of the volcano and watch it burn up.”  Okay, Jindal, you’re right, let’s stop monitoring volcanoes like Mt. St. Helens, that’s a great idea!  Remember the last society that decided to fire their volcano watchers?  Yeah, that was Pompeii.  That turned out realllllly well for them.

3. Does the tone deaf and happy-go-lucky even when saying things that are from from happy-go-lucky Jindal remind you of someone?

No, I’m not referring to your 3 year old nephew.  It’s “Kenneth the Page” from NBC’s 30 rock.  Even if you don’t watch the show (I don’t), you’re probably familiar with the lovable Kenneth.  If not, watch the video and you’ll be shocked at how similar they sound.  Not that Kenneth isn’t a nice boy, but I don’t think he’s the kind of person Jindal wants to be associated with politically.  Though Page to President would make for a good Hollywood flick, Jindal picked a bad person to impersonate.

Even GOP titans such as Rush Limbaugh have come out against Jindal.   Combine this with the new RNC Chair Michael Steele’s much ridiculed desire for an ‘off the hook’ GOP hip hop makeover, and it’s been a tough couple of weeks for the Republicans.

My suggestion to the GOP: just keep your mouths shut for a bit.  It may be your best bet.  Look, the country is in a tough situation now, and even with the best efforts from Obama and the Democrats, a lot of Americans are still going to be hurting come election time.  It’s going to take a while for the economy to get better, no matter who is in charge.  Perhaps the Republicans ought to just wait until they can play “Look, the Democrats controlled the Congress and the White House, and we’re still in a recession” card (knock on wood, come on economy, get well soon).

But by all means GOP, keep tossing Jindal and Stelle out there, America needs a good laugh in these tough times.

National Square Root Day!

03 Mar 2009, Posted by Braden Hendricks in Backpages, Braden Hendricks, 1 Comments

Yes! It’s back! It’s finally come back!

After five years, one month and one day, National Square Root Day has rolled around again to once again provide meaning to the lives of math majors! I’m not a math major, but I’m happy for all two of my friends that are, because in this nation, everyone deserves a holiday.

How could the list of such meaningful and inspiring holidays such as National Anthem Day, I Want You to be Happy Day and Unique Names Day be complete without National Square Root Day? Answer: it can’t. The best part of this list is that they all fall on the same day, March 3. (Which is tomorrow, but why not get started early?)

Of course, National Square Root Day is far more special than those common annual holidays because this day only happens nine times a century- even more rare than Thai military revolutions! (that’s a shout out to Thai friends who don’t read this blog) Wow! This is a special day indeed.

So how to celebrate it? Well, this article on yahoo! news gives some ideas, but I have better ideas. To commemorate the occurrence of such a tickling mathematical coincidence calls for only one thing: Mahjong, and lot’s of it. (that’s a shout out to all my Chinese friends who don’t read this blog) Just kidding about the mahjong, btw.

No, what we really need to do is to get dressed up and go to Shooters! No? Not original enough? Keep in mind I’m doing this for the math majors-any excuse will do for them…oh! I know, to celebrate National Square Root Day we should all go to Crowell G Commons and play Rock Band. (that’s a shout out to all my friends in Wellness who don’t read this blog)

Dang, I’m all out of ideas. Maybe these guys have a plan—after all Facebook is the social nexus for any college event. But, no, doesn’t look like it. Why is it so hard to think of something to do for National Square Root Day? I mean, the next time it happens, Barack Obama won’t even be president! We have to act now while the good times last! (Pipe down, econ majors, you don’t count) Oh, wait. Maybe I can’t think of anything because America already has too many useless holidays…nah, that couldn’t be it. This is all in good fun, right? Never mind all the useless calendars and Facebook event invites, everyone deserves a holiday.

I know, I’ll just sit back and drink myself into a stupor while I do quadratic equations then call it a day. Woohoo! Go National Square Root Day!

Why you should always invite the neighbors

27 Feb 2009, Posted by Ade Sawyer in Ade Sawyer, Backpages, 2 Comments

I’m hoping to live off campus next year. And if I get the house I want, I’ll be in Trinity Heights. At the moment it looks like I may be going into hostile territory.

I’ve looked at the recent story about this, the Chronicle editorial on it, the Trinity Heights Action Committee’s column from yesterday, and the report they published on the subject. After reading it all, I can’t help but think everyone’s missing something.

Granted, as Duke students it’s an undeniable fact that we have a right to party as hard, publicly and disruptively as we like, but I think they may have a point. No matter how understanding you are, you can’t just let people be drunk and disorderly outside of your home—especially when you have things like responsibilities. On the other hand “zero tolerance” on the part of Duke Police doesn’t really mean anything. That is, unless people who are disruptive off campus are going to be reported to judicial affairs on their first offense—which is a pretty ridiculous concept.

So what do we do?  THAC was on the right track when they suggested better education for Duke students who intend to move off campus. But the education doesn’t need to be about the laws. Frankly, everyone knows not to urinate on other people’s houses or play music loudly outdoors at 3 a.m. or throw beer bottles/cans all over the ground. When people do those things it’s a choice. But everyone’s forgetting that actions like that look way different when you’re the one committing them.

That gets us to the point: Invite Everybody!

Everybody knows that drunk people suck when you’re sober, but when you’re drunk too they’re the greatest people on earth!  THAC just think they’re upset about the rowdy behavior, but they’re really just looking for an invite. Think about all the times there was a great party next door that you weren’t invited to. It hurt right? Well, it’s time for Duke students to start following the golden rule.

I know I will.

News from all over

26 Feb 2009, Posted by Jeff Ditzler in Backpages, Jeff Ditzler, 0 Comments

Around  campus:
CAREER CENTER NO LONGER HARPING ON I-BANKING
Page—In recent months, the Career Center has cooled to the idea of investment banking as a career, according to students contacted by The Chronicle. “Used to be, finance was all they’d talk about, but since last September, [career counselor] Bobbi Sue [Jackson] hasn’t mentioned it once,” claimed junior Dan Michaels. “Now, she keeps pushing things like retail management and even food service.” Added sophomore Tiffany Henderson, “My counselor couldn’t shut up about Wall Street before, but now he hardly ever talks about it.” Henderson mentioned that the counselor was supportive when she mentioned moving back to her native Kentucky. Neither Michaels nor Henderson could explain the Career Center’s sudden lack of interest in the financial industry.

Around the nation:
OHIO RENAMED “LEBRON”
Columbus, LeBron—The densely populated Midwestern state formerly known as “Ohio” has been renamed in honor of Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James, Gov. Ted Strickland, D-LeBron, confirmed on Monday. “LeBron James is a source of pride and a role model for the youth of our entire state, and what better way of honoring him than renaming our state,” Strickland said, adding, “He’s at least as deserving as Hannah Montana.” When informed that James was considering running for governor in 2010, Strickland ran from the room screaming. The Nike Corporation refused to confirm or deny any involvement.

TENSIONS INCREASE WITH IRAN
Arlington, Va.—Recent events have increased tensions between the United States and Iran, Pentagon sources confirmed. “To be honest, I didn’t have time to read the briefing today,” said Army Lt. Col. Seymour Butts. “But I’m sure they did something to increase tension, whether it was testing a missile, kidnapping some British sailors, or just Mahmoud What’s-his-name running off his mouth again, just like they have every day since 1979.” Upon hearing the news, oil prices jumped by $15 per barrel.

Around the world:
DUBAI BUILDS SOMETHING OVER-THE-TOP
Duba—Unconfirmed reports from our Middle Eastern bureau suggest that the city of Dubai, the oil and financial center known as the “Las Vegas of the Middle East”, has built yet another utterly useless and extravagant building. Details are vague, but Saudi and Kuwaiti intelligence indicate that the object is at least 500 feet tall, can house 8-10,000 people, and may be plated in gold. Defense and State Department analysts speculate that the monstrosity might be a nuclear power plant, a nightclub, a stock exchange, a baseball stadium or some combination of the four. The Chronicle will keep readers informed as the story develops.

I don’t collect facial hair clippings…

25 Feb 2009, Posted by Jacob Wolff in Backpages, Jacob Wolff, 2 Comments

… and I don’t know many people who do.  If there are people out there who have such a collection, I imagine you’ll probably find them living in their parents’ basement, or perhaps a small cave somewhere.  One thing is certain, I don’t think you’ll find any of them living in the Duke dorms.  My question is then, why do people find it necessary to leave facial hair clippings strewn all over the sink counter?  Though your intentions may be good (I often leave those small Troll dolls in random places for avid collectors), they’re being directed in the wrong place.

It’s called dorm etiquette, and some people just don’t follow it.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to write some of dorm rules down for the people who claim illiteracy when it comes to unwritten laws.   Before I start, I have to say, I am no saint; I break the rules myself.  Also, the people on my hall this year have been really good actually; this is mainly a reflection of my freshmen and sophomore years.  But here goes: (more…)